Showing posts with label chainsaws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chainsaws. Show all posts

Friday, November 06, 2009

The correct way for animators to hold a Chainsaw 4

My friend Spaz (Steve Wiliams) - the man behind the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park - is helping me to see how you really hold a chainsaw because it is hard to draw such a tricky grip and he's sick of us animators being made fun of for being girly-men. A real man should be able to draw a chainsaw grip - while watching Popeye cartoons.
ok, John. this is the correct way to hold a saw. Pay some Goddamn attention for once, will ya? either right handed or left handed. and you don't need eye or ear protection. it's boring and you can't hear the blade turning. when you go to cut wood, attack it with your foot holding it down like you're holding down a hippy. this saw is a Husqvarna 362 and is bad ass. the Swedes made good saws and good clogs. their hockey players are pretty good too, but nothing like Canadian players. Swedes won't fight either.


Spaz on Chain Saw Sculpture
i see one of your contributors spoke of "chain saws for sculpture". this is possible , but in my mind not fag art , like ice sculpting. look at this beautiful mantle of oak i carved with this saw. Canadiana and won't melt. then you can hang all your deceased dog collars from it. at Christmas it's the most authentic hearth on the block .. with hanging stockings. that gun is my great grandfathers. i smuggled it across the US/Canada border a few years ago. i built the fire place too. these rocks are from the creek. no one knows how to do this anymore , especially Cal arts animators who think they're tough

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Cartoonists, Lumberjacks and Middle Meddlers: Chainsaws 3

What a modern day lumberjack would be like. But let's go back in time, shall we?

Now George Liquor has a natural talent for cutting down trees. In fact, some say he was born with a chainsaw in his mouth. He has been chopping down trees every day since he was a wee lad. And boy, was his Ol' Man proud.
He has even won the medal of freedom for his great contribution to the depletion of our essential resources.

And in free moments, when he finds himself without a chainsaw in his hands, he studies the history and techniques of the great lumberjack heroes that inspired him. So should we let him get to the job God put him on this earth for and let him take down a couple of His precious rainforests in a day or 2? No sir, this is the 21st Century and we don't do things that way anymore. We are much more scientific now. We still wanna take down the rainforests, but we need to do it with the aid of inexperienced experts who can do it sloppily in a much longer period and at 50 times the cost.

No pinkies that wrote these instructions have ever been tainted by the roughness of bark.
Those who can't do surely must make the rules, because after all, they are not prejudiced by old-school practical experience. They obtain their immense knowledge in the abstract, through market research.
Well no one can say ol' George ain't the sporting type.
He's willing to give the new cumbersome ways a shot.
My gosh, what a mess we have to clean up! But that's how we do things in our modern world.
Moral of the story:

Today we spread the decisions. It's only fair to all the people who do not have the blessings of a natural ability at something.

Corporate Flaccid ChainSaw 2

If animation producers ran the chainsaw business, this is the tool they would give you.

The whole lowdown

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Cartoons and Chainsaws 1

What are cartoons for? Well I was raised to believe they were funny drawings designed to make you laugh. Of course, I now know I'm completely wrong. Lots of folks have corrected me. They say, "Well John, that's not all cartoons can do...Open your mind to the infinite possibilities!"

So I'm convinced. But I think we should apply that reasoning to all inventions just to be fair.Like, what is the chainsaw designed to do best?
I bet you think it's to cut down trees.
Pshaw. Piffle. Poo Poo on that. How shallow.
Of course they do that very well and better than anything else, but is that ALL we should be doing with them?? The mere fact that it does that better than other inventions is exactly the reason not to do it! This is 21st century thinking now.
No, surely there are other things to do with wood cutting tools.

You don't want to limit the creativity of wood cutters by just having them saw wood. In fact, we should eliminate that purpose altogether. You can think of some things chainsaws aren't really designed for can't you? We are all equally creative now after all.I know! This is something they really aren't good at! Chainsaws, like cartoons could raise your kids right (since parents and church can't) and teach them moral values that the people who run the businesses don't have.

You can also use chainsaws to explore the depth of emotion in little children.
How many animated cartoons have dead Moms in them? The theory is if you make cartoons that make kids cry, that is a much higher purpose than making kids laugh. Killing Moms in cartoons is a very effective and highbrow way to make kids cry. I suppose these animated producers beat their kids regularly, knowing how much they all enjoy crying. I wonder if they also charge them 10 bucks for it?

So now chainsaws are not meant to cut wood, because that would be a low and foul misuse of what the chainsaw was invented for. It's cheating to use a tool just to do what it does really well.
Moral of the story: Chainsaws should be good for you and never do what they do best, just like cartoons.

I have more of these analogies, should you want to see them